As a kid growing up, I didn't need much. I didn't request much from my parents. I think I was pretty much withheld until one day, my mum told me that I need to speak out what I want. But I realised I had everything I need. I never prayed for success nor wealth. Cos I know that those don't satisfy.
When I was really young, I wanted to become a doctor, teacher, policewoman. But the longest was to become a doctor. As I grew up, I realised that even though being a doctor means saving people, I would have to endure seeing people suffering, seeing people cry. So I grew out of that desire. Currently, I am still finding something that I enjoy doing. I enjoy making crafts. But maybe not as a source of income. Doing it for the love and joy of doing is more fun.
I grew up pretty much by myself. I didn't want company. Cos even as I left for Singapore to study, I left behind precious friends. I left behind my precious family. I know what it felt being separated from the people I love. I never gave my all in any relationship. Until I came to church. I gave everything I got, invested everything into it. But it was gone. So I left. How do I pretend to care when I don't? What if the same thing happen all over again? Until now, I am still wondering the same thing.
Once, I wanted to be mature so much. Its such an irony. Until now, I still am not capable of it. When I thought I was doing it, people broke down all my defences. Doesn't that means that now, I need to do everything all over again?
This journey of life has been fun at times. But definitely not easy and tiring. It's time to grow up, you Disappointment. If I could, God, can I forget this guilt? No more of this pain...
NO Physical self-inflicted injury! It is a choice. Why couldn't you do it?
luvangel2003 believed today at 9:30 PM
